Has Christ Called Me?
“Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure. . ..” 2 Peter 1:10.
How lovely now was everyone in my eyes that I thought to be converted [both] men and women! They looked like and walked like a people that carried the broad seal of heaven about them. Oh! I saw the lot had fallen to them in pleasant places, and they had a goodly heritage (Psalm 16:6). But that which made me sick was that of Christ, in [the Gospel of] Mark, He went up into a mountain and called to him whom he would, and they came unto him (Mark 3:13).
This scripture made me faint and fear, yet it kindled fire in my soul. That which made me fear was this—that Christ should have no liking to me, for he called “whom he would.” But oh! the glory that I saw in that condition did still so engage my heart that I could seldom read of any that Christ did call. But I presently wished: Would I had been in their clothes; would I had been born Peter; would I had been born John; or would I had been by and had heard him when he called them, how would I have cried, O Lord, call me also. But oh! I feared he would not call me!
And truly the Lord let me go thus many months together and showed me nothing. Neither that I was already nor should be called hereafter. But at last, after much time spent, and many groans to God, that I might be made partaker of the holy and heavenly calling, that Word came in upon me— “I will cleanse their blood that I have not cleansed, for the Lord dwelleth in Zion” (Joel 3:21, KJV).